Friend or No?

Sometimes I wonder if the people I think are my friends are actually my friends or if I'm just a convenient back up when there is no one better around.
People say they are your friend, but are they really?  Do they know what it means to be a friend or are they confused with terminology and you are actually just aquaintances or associates or just plain old someone whose name they know.

Of course there are many types of friendship too... like work friends, bar friends, sex friends, neighbour friends, childhood friends, regular friends, best friends and true friends.

Aquaintance/Associate - You know their name, but rarely their spouse/children/pets names. It can be hard to find something to talk about and you get that akward trapped feeling when you are one on one with them. You know some things about them, but don't go deeper than the everyday normal topics - Heaven help you if you start talking about something that they have strong oposing feelings about! You don't often let your true self show to these people as there is no level of trust formed. You simply don't know these people well enough. These people can become Work Friends if you both work on the relationship, but if it's one sided and you're doing all the work... RUN!


Work Friends - these are the people you take breaks with, eat lunch with and you talk about general things, sometimes going more personal, but you don't associate very often (if at all) outside of work.  Sometimes Work Friends can turn into one of the other types of friends, but if you're not careful it can affect your Work Friend relactionship.

Bar Friends - these are the people that you go out to the bar/club and drink together.  You talk about flings and men/women and who's hot or not.  You don't need to get very personal because you are in a loud busy place and there are many outside stimulants.  Rarely can Bar Friends turn into another type of friend - exception would be Sex Friend.

Sex Friends - these are very rare and extremely difficult relationships to maintain.  Sex complicates everything afterall.  Sex Friends are exactly what they sound like... two people who get together for mutual sexual release with nothing else on the table.  Sex Friends or Friends with Benefits often find that one partner eventually wants more from the relationship than just sex.  Too often this sours the relationship and it ends.  Extremely rare is the Sex Friend who turns into a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife.

Neighbour Friends - these are the people who live in your neighbourhood.  Most often you wave, maybe say a verbal hello, occasionally offer to mow their lawn or take care of a pet.  Gone are the days (in most neighbourhoods) where a new family was greeted by their neighbours with muffin baskets, plates of cookies or a casserole.  Now we are too afraid that the neighbour we befriend will turn out to be a sexual predator, serial killer or just a plain old bad person so we end up leaving it at a casual head nod or wave not bothering to learn names or exchange phone numbers.  Neighbours can be great friends if you want them to be but you have to be open to the risk that you might not like what you find out and that you'll be stuck living next to them until one of you moves.  Lucky few of these will turn out to become real friends.

Childhood Friends - these are the kids you grew up with, and over time some have lost contact or grown apart but a select few will remain friends for a lifetime.  Sometimes it is hard to break a friendship that you no longer really want because "I've known so-and-so since I was two" so gradually you stop speaking, stop responding to pokes on Facebook until the memory of the friendship fades for one or both of you.  There are some Childhood Friends that do last forever, but they are rare and take a lot of work on both sides to maintain.

Regular Friends - these friends will come and go, some have started as Work Friends or Aquaintances, some will progress to Best Friends, and maybe if you're truly lucky into a True Friend.  You've gotten to know each other, you like what you've seen and heard so far.  It'll take work on both sides to move this beyond regular friendship, but it will be worth it.  You may find that they are only there for you for some events and not all - this is ok, it just means they haven't progressed beyond Regular Friends.

Best Friends - I was told once that I couldn't have more than one Best Friend... well that is a load of crap!  Best Friends have seen you through more situations than even you can remember.  They are the first to hear good news and the first person you cry to about the bad news.  They remember things about you that are special, they want to hear about your day/week/month, they will help you through the good times and bad.  They are there for you and you for them.

True Friends - the cream of the crop and a very special breed.  True Friends can go months/years without seeing each other and then when they meet up again it's like no time has passed at all.  True Friends can sit side-by-side not speaking and be comfortable and content.  It's like they have telepathy, they finish each others thoughts and words.  They always know what to say.  They don't judge you.  They can make fun of each other without worry that they will go to far - they will always forgive each other.

All in all, you can never have too many friends, but the next time you are with a group of your friends try and put them in one of these categories... I think you'll be surprised by where they fit.